As I mention in didn’t just watch
their subjects; they had them wired up to all types of machines that measured
their various physical responses during an episode of sex. They measured
each person’s heart rate; they measured their blood pressure; they
measured how much sweat people gave off. And one of the things they
noticed was that women take a longer time to come down from the high
that they get during sex than men do.

After a man has an orgasm, his penis isn’t the only thing that shrinks; all
other physical manifestations, such as heartbeat and body temperature, also
come down rapidly. But, just as a woman usually needs a longer time than a
man to get sexually excited, she also needs more time to descend from that
luscious plateau of sexual excitement.

So, if the man ends the sexual experience by rolling over and going to sleep,
the woman is left to come down on her own, which is a lot less satisfying to
her than doing it in the arms of a conscious partner. And men don’t just sidestep
the issue of afterplay by choosing the arms of Morpheus, the god of
dreams; some men get up to have a snack or to watch television. Other men
head right for the showers — a habit probably picked up from sports that
leaves the woman not only feeling unfulfilled but wondering if she somehow
made the man feel unclean by having sex with him.

Some men not only leave the bed; they leave the house or apartment altogether.
Even if they don’t live there, they shouldn’t rush to put on their
clothes and bolt for the door as soon as they finish with the sex act. (Unless,
that is, the man is having an affair with a married woman, and he hears the
husband’s car turning into the driveway.)

Both partners must recognize that a woman needs to bathe in the afterglow
of her orgasm for a little while for the sex act to be complete for her. How
long is a little while? For some women the time can be as short as a minute
or two. Others need a little longer than that. I’m certainly not suggesting that
the man has to spend as much time in afterplay as in foreplay or sex. He just
needs to recognize that afterplay is a woman’s legitimate need, and he should
lovingly address that need with her.

Of course, each person is different. Talking with your partner to find out what
works best for him or her takes out the guesswork. And afterplay can also
continue into what can be labeled aftercare. If you both decide that you want
to take a shower together, you’ll definitely maintain the afterplay mood. And
if you’re both in need of a glass of water or a snack, agreeing that one partner
should venture into the kitchen, leaving the other behind, is no danger to
your relationship. As long as you’re coordinating your postcoital activities,
that’s fine. It’s only when one person decides that the party’s over that a
problem may arise.

Men who take time for afterplay will be rewarded not only with more satisfied,
and hence happier, wives or lovers, but also with better sex lives. You
see, I look at afterplay as really the beginning of foreplay for the next sexual
episode. Throughout this book I tell you that the more you stretch out foreplay,
the better sex will be the next time. So if you can start foreplay with
afterplay right after you have sex, you won’t be wasting a single second. In
fact, you may both decide that a second go-round would be in order sooner
rather than later.

But afterplay can have a broader impact than just as a type of foreplay. After
you’ve both had satisfying orgasms, you’ll both be bathing in the glow that
sex can bring. This is when romance can truly blossom and you can increase
your overall intimacy. I’m not suggesting you rehash what just occurred
because even a mild criticism can be taken badly (although compliments are
always welcome).